Oh, hello.

I haven't blogged in a while! I've just been so bogged down with my classes that I haven't really had a chance to because every spare minute is spent taking a bath or sleeping. I have seven classes this term and it's really scary because it doesn't seem that hard to me and I'm afraid that I'm failing all of my classes and that that's why it doesn't seem that hard to me. D:

Oh well.

I guess this was just a super quick update. :]

Obsessions With Books.

Today was quite unlike my usual days. Yes, I did the routine things of getting up, brushing my teeth, drinking my Diet Coke; but I did something unusual today. I wrote for most of the day. Then I deleted what I had written and started over. Now, I have a character with whom I am trulymadlydeeply in love with. Her name is Evie Winters and she is awesome. I love her to bits. I'd discuss her more, but I think that would bore you. Instead, I'll go over a bullet-point list of what I did today!

• I woke up
• I brushed my teethies
• I got my can of diet coke for the morning
• I hopped onto my computer to write
• I wrote
• I wrote
• I wrote
• I wrote
• I wrote
• I stopped writing to read a book about writing
• I took a small nap
• I took a shower
• I wrote
• I took a bath
• I wrote some more

And so on. I wrote a lot today. In fact, I don't think I've ever wrote this much in one day minus that one time in sixth grade when we were assigned a short story assignment and I wrote 40 some odd pages and never quite finished the story (though I did receive an A on the assignment :]).

I'm sure this blog will become infintely more exciting once classes actually start the fuck up. I've decided that I shall use this blog mainly to keep family up to date with my shenanigans when I finally do transfer and get out of this state. Maybe then I'll actually get some, gasp, comments. Heh.

Anyways... I guess this is it for now!

Bye everyone.

- Ruthi -

College Book Prices Are TERRIFYING.

I know that I had to buy college textbooks last year, but this year the prices were even more terrifying then they were last year. This year, I spent $425.40 for everything. "Everything" being four writing books, three literature books (that are so huge, I'm scared for the first day of classes), a French 101 book and a binder and one planner. My French book costing around $192 was the most expensive book out of them all. I won't even keep it after this year because I don't plan on being bored and wanting to wade through a French book. I'll keep my anthology of various literature books, though, because I collect anthologies. I have no idea why, but I do. I'll most likely keep two of my four writing books, too, because they deal with writing fiction and I do hope to one day be a novelist.

My day was hectic. It started at 6:45 AM. I woke up, got dressed, brushed my teeth, drank some Diet Coke and then went out to UCC to get some financial aid drama out of the way. There was a nice line at the FA office, so I ended up waiting for around twenty minutes to be told that I needed to go sit down and fill out a form, get back in line for another 20 some odd minutes and then go somewhere until after they've processed my form and filled out a check for me to get my books. After all of this was done, I ended up being home at around 2:16 PM. And just as I get home, my nieces arrive from school. I was so exhausted by the time Heather came round to pick them up.

Anyways, that was my day in a nutshell.

Oh, side note; I finished three essays for my transfer applications. They aren't techincally going to be submitted until December, but it's nice to know that they are completed and revised and all that jazz.

- Ruthi -

My Top 5 Favorite Things.

After I read Erin's blog, it made me want to do my OWN top 5 favorite things blog, so here it goes.

1. True Blood.

Why do I love True Blood, you may ask. And I've asked myself the same question over and over again. I have no idea why I love it other than I have come to the conclusion that if anything has vampires in it, I automatically think it's awesome.

2. Jenny Lewis

I really don't see any need to go into a description as to why I love Jenny Lewis. If I did, I have a feeling I would go on and on and ON about my love for her and then it would take up this entire blog post and you'd be bored and I'd be just starting as to why I love her. Maybe I'll go on at a later date for my love of her and Zooey Deschanel and Neko Case. I will say this, though, I had always been a fan of Rilo Kiley but my fandom of Jenny Lewis became only apparent in... May-ish of this year.

3. Any movie / random episode of any show with Zooey Deschanel in it.

Reasons: She's an amazingly talented actress whom I would love to have wild sex with because she is: a. hot, b. talented as BOTH a singer and actress (Unlike many celebs who try their hand at both...) c. just really fucking awesome. She had a cameo in Weeds which is my top favorite TV show, ever. She was amazing in Elf which is my favorite holiday film. She finds her way to be in my favorite movies and shows randomly so it's nice. When I watch a bad film, I can't help but think how much better it would be with Zooey in it. Not to mention, she has my favorite name as her name, so I can't help but love her to pieces. And I'm going on and on... Like I said, a blog with my loves for her and Jenny may be necessary...

4. BOOKS!

I'm almost positive I don't need to list out my reasons for loving books. I'm fairly certain that they should be rather self-explanatory. I love books and have since kindergarten when I first learned how to read. I can't go into any more detail other than: I love books and always have and always will.

5. The Beatles.

Now, this obsession isn't even a new one. It's an old one that's been reignited by my listening to them as of late. My favorite Beatle? Ringo or John. My favorite album? Rubber Soul or Sgt Pepper's. My favorite song? I Want You (She's So Heavy). My favorite time to listen to them? All the time. You get the idea.

And thus concludes my list...

- Ruthi -

I love my nieces.

One of my nieces (Kasey) is a second grader this year. She is so awesome and she says things that are just hilarious because she doesn't know any better. Today had one of those amazing anecdotes because of her. I'll explain in this narrative.

"Ruthi, look at Henry's (the dog) butt cheeks! He has two of them!" Kasey informs me enthusastically.
"Oh?" I say, thinking well, duh, everyone has two butt cheeks.
"He has to get them cut off!" By this time I realize she isn't actually talking about butt cheeks. She's talking about his balls. I stifle the urge to laugh and respond with a, "Oh, yea?" and then run to my other niece to tell her what Kasey just said.

That was the most exciting thing of today thus far. I might update some more if more exciting things happen.

Hope everyone has a good day!



- Ruthi -

Edit:
I'm bored, so I'm going to create a fun little playlist for you darlings.

1. Daniel by Bat For Lashes
2. Blood of the Lamb by Wilco
3. Faulkner Street by Hayes Carll
4. Please Please Please by Head Automatica
5. The Good That Won't Come Out by Rilo Kiley
6. Black Sand by Jenny Lewis
7. Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin
8. Bad Things by Jace Everett

----

I'm very bored. I'm trying to come up with little anecdotes that are smart and cleverly crafted, but honestly, I'm coming up with nothing. I didn't really do anything today. I read, I went to my sisters house, I drank more Diet Coke than any human being ever should and I blog-stalked about ten people. I now know more than I should and will have to stop myself from quoting them back to themselves. I hate when I do that. Hm. I miss the days where all of my friends had Xanga's, though. That was such an easier way to keep in contact with them. If I wanted to know how they were, I'd read their blog. If I wanted to know what they ate that day, blogs were very accessible. I miss those days... Though, they only lasted from 7th grade until 8th grade. Then 9th grade came and we were too busy trying to be seen as adults to care to update our blogs anymore, though reading them now would probably be very entertaining.

I found some old diaries from those times. Christ, I was weird back then. I'm embarrassed to say some of the things I said in my diaries or thought that they were so important. Important enough to write poetry about them none the less. Hm, it's so silly now to think of them because they are things that no longer hold any meaning to me! I guess that's a good thing. I just ought to remember that this, too, will pass and it won't matter anymore a year from now than these things I'm thinking of right now do.

I'm one of those kinds of people that hold onto things whether good or bad. I re-read IM conversations, I replay conversations over in my head, I repeat moments constantly. I hold on to things. I'm a clinger. It's okay when they are good things but it's horrendous when it's horrible things that I'm clinging to. It HURTS when it's horrible things. I'm an emotional cutter and it's shitty. Eventually, though, the bad things hold nothing over me. The emotions with them fade in time and it's lovely when that happens. There's a certain moment right now I'm thinking of that I will be so glad when the emotions that I right now hold to it fade in time... I can't wait. I can't fucking wait.

Ooh, I've narrowed down it to three schools to apply for transfer to next year.

1. UIUC. (I really like their English program a lot. Plus, as I re-read my fifth grade report on why Illinois is the best state ever, I realize that maybe I was supposed to go there from the get go. I sure had good arguments for the school in the paper, haha)
2. Bennington in VT. (Again, lovely English program)
3. UPenn. (Again, again, English program is top-notch and I've ALWAYS wanted to live in Pennsylvania. I just love it all. So much. Plus, it's close-ish to New Jersey and people I know there so I wouldn't be totally and utterly alone).

Those are it. The numero uno school I want to go to is Reed College in Oregon, but OF COURSE! It's way too fucking expensive for me to even think about going there. Christ, it's so fucking expensive. I would LOVE to go there, though, despite it's drug usage and drinking problems. I mean, the drinking problems aren't really problems to me, but drugs... bah. I'm old-fashioned with drugs. Weed is fine with me, but anything else... and it's just a no, thanks.

Anywhoozile...

This blog update is longer than I was expecting it to be, but that's what happens when I start to talk about transferring. I get all excited and then I go on forever about how awesome it's going to be. I hope it lives up to my expectations. I'm really looking forward to dorm life. SO fucking looking forward to that that it's insane. In fact, if you talk to me at all right now the only thing I can say is, "Oh, god, I am SO looking forward to dorm life next year!!111oneone."

OOH. Oh, nevermind. I was giong to say the book I was currently reading but then I realized that it's slightly embarrassing to admit to which book I'm reading currently so I'm not going to. Oh, I guess I could say that book. I'm currently reading the Complete Poems of Anne Sexton. Hah, there. That's not embarrassing. And it's a damned good collection. I love Anne Sexton. <3.

Hm, this is it.

- Ruthi -

September 10th, 2009

I need to come up with more creative titles than I have been for my blogs. They don't sound like something anyone would want to read much less anything *I'D* want to read.

Today marks the first day of my nieces coming round to my house after school because my sister needs them to be here until she gets off of work. Right now, this proves to be not stressful for me at all because I'm not in classes yet. It actually is proving to be kind of fun because I am not in classes yet. Once I am in classes, though, it will prove to be rather stressful. I say rather stressful because right when I get home from classes, I will have two girls on my doorstep that I am to take care of. Along with assignments I will undoubtably have, this is going to be very... interesting. Yes, I know that I'm complaining, but get over it. My blog, my life, my way and all that jazz.

This is the most exciting thing that's happened to me today. And for that, I wish to crawl into a hole. I need more excitement in my life...

Erin's coming round soon to hang out.

- Ruthi -

I Fail.

I haven't been doing my job.

I haven't been speaking to people. This task is proving harder and harder as each day goes by! There's only so many oppurtunities that I'm finding I have now that I actually want to speak to people I don't know.

I'll speak about what I have been doing, though.

Lately my thoughts have all been consumed with Illinois planning. I love thinking about going there and talking to Hannah about it and making plans to do things there. :]. It's so much fun! I can't wait until November gets here. I know it'll feel like the time just whips by once school starts up, but I hate having to wait! I am the most impatient person I know.

In other news, I've recently started to read HayleyGHoover's blog on here. I never got around to reading it before, but I'm pleasantly surprised at how addictive it is proving to be! Her blog is making me look forward to transferring schools instead of dreading the process of meeting new people. It's actually making me think, "Yes, I can do this! I can meet new people!" :] It's a nice feeling.

I think this is it for now.

- Ruthi -

9/05 & 9/06

Yesterday was day one of the 365 days / 365 people challenge. I talked to a librarian. Yes, I began small and I began with someone who basically has to talk to you because that's what they're paid for. But, for me, it was a big step. Usually, I just throw the books that I want to check out at their face and then hand them a card and mumble a "thanks" and that's about it. But this time, I asked her how her day was doing and how she was. I found out a name and everything.

Today, though, will be a challenge because I'm hanging out with my friends and we're typically prone to hanging out just at home. I'm not going to church because I don't feel well right now so that crosses out just meeting new people at my new church. I'll update again later today, though. :]

I hope everyone has a lovely day.

- Ruthi -

A New Theme.

Hello all.
I've decided to have a theme for my blog because I just saw Julia and Julie and it made me want to do a theme. :].
My project for the next year, starting tomorrow, is to meet at least one new person per day and have a conversation. Altogether, this will mean 365 new people this year. I think it's a worthwhile goal. I'm shy. Very shy, actually, and I prefer to get to know people over the internet rather than real life and this isn't very conducive to getting a job going when most jobs require you to interact with people. So, here it goes. Day one starts tomorrow. This shall keep me on my toes.

- Ruthi -

Beliefs and all that jazz.

I'm damned, apparently. I'm going to go to hell and burn, baby, burn with all the other people who don't believe the same as my family.



Oh, yes, I was told this in fact, by my parents. They said it in the most lovingly way they could with the reassuring touch to my hand that I will find my way eventually.



There's something about religion that gets to me. This exclusion of other beliefs... this hurtful way of telling someone who's not a bad person that they're going to hell that just gets to me. And the condescending way of telling me that I'm going to hell just because my beliefs differ from there's. Is that what Jesus taught? Is that what his message of loving one another *was*? Because I'm not buying it.



I know I'm not going to hell. I know this because, frankly, I don't really believe in hell.



This will come as a shock to a lot of you, but did you know that the past two years I was actually considering being a pastor? I still think of it from time to time because I do like religion. I like the community when you get into a nice one. I like the love and the feeling of belonging that it gives you. The structure, the niceness... All of that I enjoy. The thing I miss most about being a part of a church was the lovingness that was brought to me by everyone I came in contact with. Sometimes I contemplate going back to church, but then I recall the reasons I left.



I left the church because of the attitude that the people there had towards anyone a part of the LGBT community. I'm bisexual and this is a big thing to me. It's not something I can turn off or on. It's who I am. I can't change that part of me ; Lord knows, I've tried. And Sunday after every Sunday the pastor would shove his beliefs down our throats about how every homosexual is going to hell and how God hates the gays and how the LGBT community is disgusting and unnatural. After a while, this starts to get to a person. How can a God be loving in one sermon and so disgustingly hateful in the next?



I left the church because politics was also brought up every Sunday without fail. I'm a liberatarian with very liberal leanings. If I had to choose between the two big parties, I'd choose Democrat before I'd even think about going Republican. There would be no choice for me, in all honesty. Now, as you can just guess, the pastor I had wasn't friendly towards democrats. In fact, he hated them with a passion I'd only seen in Rush Limbaugh. Every Sunday after the election was a Sunday to bash Obama and discuss how he was ruining our country. I'm a person who believes in divorcing politics from church wholeheartedly. If I wanted a running commentary on how our nation was doing that Sunday, I'd've stayed home and watched Fox or CNN.



I miss the church more than most people can even fathom. I grew up in the church. Some of my closest friends were people I'd only see in the church. Some of them won't even talk to me now that I've supposedly gone to the "dark side". I miss the loving arms that would wrap around me when I came in on Sundays. I miss the good parts of religion, so much.



I think I might try to find a church that suits me. Not even because I so much as believe in the Christian God, really, but because I miss the sense of community. I miss the sense of oneness. Of being a part of something that's bigger than myself.



There's a pretty Episcopalian (haha, spelling error?) church down the street from me I might check out. Or the Catholic one up the street from me.



<3.

Ruthi.

Why I Am Weird.

I know most of you looking at the title of this blog are thinking, "Oh, there's only one reason?" And I know, there has to be more than one reason, but this blog is going to focus on mainly one of my many quirks and oddities. Maybe it will resonate (is that even the right word for it?) with one of you kiddos.

So, today I spent all day (almost quite literally, all day) reading blogs. That in and of itself will make a person go, "What the fuck? Why?" And when I say that I knew only two of the bloggers I spent today reading that just makes me seem all the more peculiar. The rest of the blogs were blogs written by random bloggers. Some are well-known (Belle de Jour has a fucking TV show based off of her blogs about being a London city call-girl and Diablo Cody... if you don't know who she is, go watch Juno and read Candy Girl) but most were just random people I found by clicking the "next blog" link on blogger.com (also known as blogspot.com). There is something in me that just gets excited when I read someones blog. It's their personal thoughts just put out there for me to giggle at, mock, relate to and agree / disagree with! It's pure candy for someone who loves to read memoirs like myself. I used to get excited when someone would ask me to take care of their journal and didn't care if I read it when I was little because that's so damned personal! I used to get excited whenever I recieved a letter in the mail because I could not only see the persons handwriting (yet another reason I'm weird for perhaps another blog some day) but I could feel what they were writing! And it was directed to me; oh the joy! Now, gone are the days of snail mail (though, I will tell you I still get so jazzed when someone randomly writes me a letter- if you want to make my day some time, ask me for my address and send me one :]) and here are the days of blogs and e-mails and IM's. IM's get me excited because I don't like to intiate conversations via them, but if someone else does, I'll almost squeal with joy. It's like reading a letter, only instantly. (Oh, Ruthi, you're so clever with words... that was the worst sentence, ever haha).

Blogs are my favorite thing, though, because it's like reading someones diary.

It's spectacular. It's fantastic. It's amazing.

And then I created a new blog...

I have so many blogs that I'm not quite sure what the purpose of creating this new one was. I have about five blogs. There's my FaceBook one, there's my MySpace one, there's my other blogger.com blog that I forget it's name and then there's my two Xanga ones. I never keep up to date with them. I always say I'm going to keep up with this one this time, but I never do. So, I'm going to say the opposite and admit failure already at the get go.

I will most likely not keep up with this blog. It shall become like every other one of my blogs that become unused. However, for right now... It is being used. It is being used because I was bored one Sunday and decided to create a blog. It won't be riveting like some blogs (a la Belle de Jour or Diablo Cody's) and it won't be that great to read.

It shall contain my thoughts, short stories (sometimes), poetry and my rantings about the world around me. In short, it is just a diary of sorts. A boring one, however...

<3
me